This email exchange was after a verbal discussion. The context was that the student made fundamental mistakes in a quiz, realized that is what happened but was upset about losing points.
Student:
I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk to me after class today. I have a problem with relating my self worth to my grades, so I tend to get overly emotional and anxious when I feel like I am doing poorly. Usually I understand topics like this fairly easily, so feeling lost sometimes has been making me anxious and stressed. I appreciate your reassurance that my grade will be fine in the end as long as I keep applying myself. I also really appreciate you still talking to me and not writing me off when I was getting emotional. Thank you very much for your patience and understanding. I will continue to do my best in class.
My response:
I am glad you came to me and expressed your thoughts. You care about your learning, so I think it is healthy to get emotional. I don't show it much, but I get very emotional (sometimes angry and frustrated) about teaching too. In the end we must remember that is because we care, which is a good thing.
I understand what you are saying about feeling anxious when you are lost. Here are my thoughts: from my observations, you are not usually lost. In fact, you are following the material better than most students in the class. What does happen sometimes is that you make mistakes or make incorrect assumptions or fail to recognize that you are looking at a slightly different context than what you saw before. This is perfectly normal when you are learning new material.
The fact that you are not used to this implies to me that your previous courses did not set the expectations high enough, and that is obviously not your fault. The exam questions usually don't test your ability to apply your knowledge in a new context, and as such, I think most of my students have a low expectation of what it means to earn an A in a course. My opinion about an A grade is that "you mastered the material", which implies your ability to solve new problems or problems in a new context using your existing knowledge.
In my experience, students who listen to my advice (like you are doing) and work through this initial "making mistakes" phase, eventually earn an A in my courses.
